


Wrist Pain

by hateno



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Post-Game, angry confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 04:04:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12762771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hateno/pseuds/hateno
Summary: Usually, these things don't take a year or two.Or three.





	Wrist Pain

Self-hate isn’t ever something that is just easily dealt with. When you’re carrying the guilt, the emotional weight, and the pain of an entire universe, it can be even more difficult. Constant worrying, countless what-ifs plaguing your mind at every turn━ just breathing at some points brings about a feeling of dread and a loss of self worth. When you hate yourself, it is surprisingly hard to open up to near anyone else. If someone extends their hand in friendship, maybe even a little past that, it becomes very complicated to accept it when you can’t even accept yourself. You feel like your flaws are eventually going to drive the person away. That you aren’t good enough. That everything you’ve ever done wrong is going to present itself to this person and they’ll hate you. Much like you despise yourself.

Another thing that is particularly difficult is shaking the feelings you have for someone. Getting to the point where you know something is going on and neither of you are acknowledging it━ just falling into a sense of warped normality and becoming complacent to the whims of emotional fate. After a while someone would have to say something. Right? Usually, two people very close to each other notice this kind of thing relatively quickly. They act on it and are in a relationship without much effort. Usually, these things don’t take a year or two.

Or three.

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s already been three years and still nothing has happened. In which case, you might feel frustrated, angry even, that nothing has happened yet. You might even lash out at the person who hasn’t told you how they feel yet. Maybe you’re sitting across from him right now on some weirdass can covered planet with a small mute guy running the show, and you actually can’t take it anymore.

KARKAT: I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M ABOUT TO SAY THIS.

Breathing is getting a little difficult at the moment, because you have absolutely awful self esteem problems and it’s causing you a shit ton of anxiety at the moment. You shut your eyes so as to avoid looking at the boy across from you. He’s a completely different species━ an entirely different civilization apart from you. However, you suppose that civilization is long gone now, and so is yours. Being stuck in your ways is kind of your specialty, though. You clear your throat, as you realize that you’ve been sitting here silently like an idiot for a few moments while he’s just waiting for a response.

KARKAT: BUT, I THINK I’M FINALLY FUCKING DONE WITH THIS SHIT.

DAVE: whoa  
DAVE: what  
DAVE: what are you talkin about buddy

Dave looks a little worried behind his shades. You can tell, because his eyebrows raise a little and pull just a bit closer together. When you’re talking to someone as long as you’ve been talking to Dave, you learn to read their facial expressions to a T, even if they’re this extremely slight. As much as the Strider would like to claim otherwise, you know him forward and backward easy.

KARKAT: ARE WE JUST GOING TO CONTINUE TO IGNORE THE SHIT THAT IS SO OBVIOUSLY TAKING PLACE BETWEEN US?  
KARKAT: DAVE, THIS SHIT IS ALMOST BORDERING ON “HAPENING”.  
KARKAT: AND I FOR ONE AM DONE FONDLING MY AVOIDANCE SPHINCTOR ALREADY.

DAVE: im still so confused  
DAVE: youre doing that thing again  
DAVE: the thing where you talk troll nonsense  
DAVE: and completely lose whoever youre screaming at  
DAVE: its shameful man

You slap a palm to your forehead, a gesture that has almost become an irritated ritual when dealing with the human boy. He’s one to talk about going off on tangents. Half of the time he’s making all these obscure references to human culture and figures of speech━ it’s a wonder you can even understand each other at all. You opt to turn and place your hands on either side of his face, earning an amused snort from Dave. You never got why this was so funny. You’re just trying to get him to pay some damn attention to you.

DAVE: oh my god seriously  
DAVE: not this again  
DAVE: im gonna lose my shit

You lower your eyebrows at his ridiculous giggling and sigh.

KARKAT: THERE IS OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING RED HAPPENING.  
KARKAT: TELL ME I’M WRONG.

The entirety of the room you’re in suddenly feels very much smaller than it did about five minutes ago, and it’s only because Dave is taking a moment to respond. Why is he taking so goddamn long to just answer you? You feel like it’s been at least forty five minutes before he visibly gulps and looks away from you a moment.

DAVE: well i  
DAVE: haha you know me  
DAVE: im kind of oblivious to that kind of thing  
DAVE: but  
DAVE: i guess theres something going on  
DAVE: on my end anyway which is just me totally assuming thats what you meant  
DAVE: haha

It’s weird━ you’ve never seen him stutter like this. Unless he’s briefly mentioning his brother, anyway, which you admit you have no idea the reason for. Human familial relationships are still so damn foreign to you.


End file.
